Admit your wrong…

So for the new year i am trying full honesty And admitting my mistakes. It’s a bit intimidating.

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In the past i have been less than honest ,and downright deceitful. These actions have hurt people and ruined good things. So 2015 is the year of truth. I started out by walking up to someone at work and apologising for a past behavior, ” i was petty and bitchy and i am sorry” it was remarkably well received and has resulted in a much more amicable work environment.  Letting the truth guide you is very freeing, nothing you have to remember you said, nothing to stew in guilt over.  It is not a perfect system, when i have to say ” i screened your call because i was tired and didn’t feel like answering”  …. Must not of heard it ring is simpler.but why? Why is a lie more easily spoken then the truth? I think the only time its more convenient is if you believe the person you are dealing with does not care enough to hear what you are saying when faced with the truth. So i guess it’s not just a simple matter of i will be honest. It is really more  ” i trust you enough to give you the truth, and hope that you care enough to hear it.”  What do you think? Do you trust others with your truth? Or do you shield yourself with a  falsehood?

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Why i love blogging aka hope im not coming off like a self important douch

imageWhile i wasnt watching 2014 slipped away ( seriously i wasnt watching i was asleep when the new year came).  I am lucky by so many standards , i got issues sure but still lucky.  I have this cycle of feeling grateful, then down trodden, then guilty for not feeling grateful, then apathetic, then, then, then. Heres the thing people have it worse sooo much worse than me. I understand that if i were fighting for life i wouldn’t have time to feel depressed  or blue. People running from bears often don’t worry about being insecure either, doesn’t mean i want to go poke a bear. I know im lucky, however that my problems are still important to me.  Your issues are real, my issues are real we matter! That is what i love about blogging i get to put whatever random part of me that floats to the surface  out there into the world. Maybe no one cares but that’s the beauty, there are millions of blogs out there each one putting pieces of the blogger into the world to be embraced by someone like themselves ( or someone so totally different they read it like a sociological study) but its out there. It’s out there and it matters.  So welcome 2015. Welcome bloggers. Welcome readers. Lets rock this like 1999!

How black is your Friday ?

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So here’s the thing there is a lot of grumbling about people having to work on thanksgiving due to the Black Friday sales actually starting on Thursday. Yes it sucks to work any holiday, I worked retail for many years I worked almost every holiday including thanksgiving. No one got up in arms for me. Following is a short list off the top of my head of people who will be working this holiday. ( this list is by no means in order)

  • Military
  • medical workers  ( doctors, nurses, emt)
  • grocery store workers
  • travel associated workers ( bus, airlines, taxi ect.)
  • police and emergency workers

Now i know you may say these people knew the schedule difficulties going in, Absolutely true.  Perhaps just something to think about. I have taken part in Black Friday from both sides of the register, i have always enjoyed the rush of the hunt. It is the one exception once a year when i break free of my quirks face the crowds and i have always been pleasantly surprised by my fellow-man. Never have i seen people trampled or even intentionally shoved . I have seen people helping others, spontaneous christmas  caroling, and church groups passing out free coco and coffee to hundreds of  cold line waiters.  I do find it a shame that Black Friday is now on Thursday, i do not know if i will be partaking.  As far as Fridays go we do know Black Friday is surely the biggest, and don’t get me started on cyber monday the end result may be the same but it always leaves me feeling less than satisfied.

Whatever

Words are a powerful tool capable of amazing things eliciting emotions, entertaining, and educating . I also believe for every person there are words that just plain annoy, words that make you give a little mental twitch. The word whatever is perhaps my least favorite word ( with the exception of hate speech of course). Whatever feels to me to be the verbal equivalent of ” you are not worth discussing this with” .

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If used in a phrase ” whatever works best “or “whatever you deside”that’s one thing but the one word response of whatever feels like a verbal passive aggressive middle finger.  So if you disagree with me thats just fine as i am very often wrong, but give me an honest ” screw you” rather than a dismissive ” whatever”  Do you have a word that makes you feel kinda punchie?  What  sets your teeth to grinding?

Do you realy want to know?

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So i was thinking on when and how and if you even should go about letting people know something embarrassing about themselves. I’m not talking about  big things ( things they probably already know) like ” hey putting on a lot of weight, maybe you are using food as an emotional band-aid?” I’m talking about little things that can easily  be remedied. Things like “in this light i can really see that weird hair growing off your chin”, or “when you bend over we are seeing a lot of butt”.  In my mind i say i would like to know, but i also know i would be embarrassed and would likely react defensively.  At what point is mentioning things ok? Should it be based on how well you know the person, how bad the issue is? Do you stop the person with toilet paper on their shoe and give them one embarrassing moment yet save them from walking around that way? Or do you let it go and maybe it will fall off and they will be none the wiser to anything amis with no embarrassed. I think maybe it is a sliding scale of how easy it is to fix i.e. Your shirt is buttoned wrong. Vs. how well you know them i.e. Only someone you love can tell you your eyebrows have gone rogue.  I don’t have the answers just a question i was pondering while trying not to notice the angry zit peeking above the three inches of  butt cleavage on a coworker. So you tell me…. Do you really want to know?

Who are you? And what do you want?

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I am a horrible judge of people,  horrible. I am gullible i WANT to believe people are good honest non dirt bags.  Part of it is probably from growing up in such a small town, a town where still to this day some don’t lock up due to their trust in those around them. Ironically one of the things that shook my foundation of trust happened in this same small trusting town, after we inherited this property and while we were still working on fixing it up we were robbed. Gone was my great grandmothers antique clock, camel back trunks full of yet undiscovered treasures, all of the tools we were using so much stuff that it had to have taken literally hours and at the very least a horse trailer to do.  No one saw or heard a thing.  I was angry, scared, and felt a sence of violation i never knew existed with this type of crime.  It has been years since this happened no one was ever caught, but still to this day my trust has not fully recovered.  Yet i find myself assuming the best of people ( unless they are on my property then… Well lets just say i might come across like crazy get off my property person). I trust too easy, believe what people say , after all what purpose is there to lie to me.  I guess i would rather live in a world that sometimes screws me over then look at the world and say screw you! Sometimes even i have a radar that says ooo scary, awhile back i was talking to my hubby about someone i had met that gave me the heebie geebies .  I felt bad that this person gave me the creeps and by the time  i had finished talking i had talked myself into thinking i needed to try harder after all i had no proof or concrete reason to feel this way. I should stop being so judgey and mean.  My husband listened to me all the way thru this meandering reasoning waited for me to stop talking and said in his plane spoken way ” screw that if he gives you the creeps steer clear, to many people these days ignore their instincts”.  I guess my point is trust your instincts, hope for good from those around you but don’t let hope blind you from the reality that some people suck. Happy Monday all

Why wont it get thick?

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I am not good at sharing the kitchen, never have been. Growing up my mom made sure all of us children ( including the boys) knew the basics of cooking.  I enjoy cooking and find baking relaxing , however i do not share the kitchen space well. The only exception to this is my children,  they are my little sou chefs. I actually have gotten better at sharing, after twenty years my husband and i can work together at getting the food on the table( although he does complain about always pulling toast duty or being shown the proper way to stir, men are so sensitive )  In high school i took a home ec class that really sparked my baking desire, so one night in December i asked my mom if i could make chocolate chip cookies  to bring to school as goodies.  I gathered the ingredients jumped right in, but no matter how much ” flour” i put in it would not thicken i added and added to no avail. It’s fine i know what im doing is a catch phrase/ famous last words of mine and so i kept adding long past reasonable. Even i had to admit it was time to ask mom, turns out she had bought a super big bag of powdered sugar for holiday goodie making and had to fill the canister that normally held the super big bag of flour.  I had made 12 cups of egg laced glaze ew.  Just one in a long list of  ,if in doubt ask mom.

If i put on real shoes i just might get something done..

 

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I’m sure im not unique in this but i find the more comfortable my out fit the more lazy  i am.  It seems regardless what they were designed for yoga pants and t- shirts signal a part of my brain that says ” yep not doing shit today” .  Flip flops are for loungeing, athletic shorts are  the daytime pajamas.  Sometimes the simple act of putting on a bra is enough to get me moving in the right direction, jeans and socks, tennis shoes….. Now we are getting serious. Feeling crapy?, how about we do our hair. Just as our outward appearance can reflect the emotional sloth inside, so too can making our self look better give just a little push into giving a dam  and ” becoming a productive member of society”. So since im am sitting here writing this in my scrubby lounge clothes on this grey day with a head ache and an internal countdown till bed time, i guess i will take my own advice a put a little effort into me so that i have some desire to give of me.

May this not be a ” teachable moment”

imageSo in my husbands words my foray into the blogging world has ” outed me to a lot of people” as introverted as i am in the 3 d world i seem to be the opposite in here in the comfort of my blog. So it got me to thinking of the things i have shared with you the few ( love to say many but the stats don’t lie) followers but surprisingly im ok with it, it’s a honest quirky journey ( and i wont stop believe ing) im glad i decided to take it. I just hope some psych teacher doesn’t stumble upon it and decide its a teachable moment.