Of which there will be death and dismay

Growing up it was always a special time to get mom all to ones self. Even as an ungrateful teenager it was still a silent treat hidden behind grudgingly acceptance.  One night before christmas my mother and i were headed to the next town over for some shopping and girl bonding time. On the way as we followed behind a rather large semi truck a skunk ran right out getting clipped by the trucks rear wheels and then completely smashed by us. There was no time to stop just a look of horror as the wheels went thunk thunk.

image

 The smell was epic but soon seemed not so bad. Still we were worried so at the first store we stopped at i watched my mom pull a sales lady aside and explain that we had hit a skunk and were worried we might have that odor on our persons. We were quietly assured that we did not indeed smell. In and out of every store in the mall we went. All around town and then a long and leisurely dinner. A lovely evening by all accounts. It was late as we came traipsing thru the door, my father came stumbling from my parents room a look of dismay upon his face. apparently the odor actually woke him up, it was so strong. I was sent to strip my clothes and toss them outside then showers for the both of us. thankfully that was enough to rid us of the smell, it took weeks to get it from the vehicle . To this day i cringe at the thought of being the skunk people walking by blissfully unaware of the wake we left behind that holiday season. What weird bent of politeness must that sales lady of had to look at us square in the face and say ” i don’t smell a thing” , it was a shoe store however perhaps she had lost her sence of smell long ago…

Why i love blogging aka hope im not coming off like a self important douch

imageWhile i wasnt watching 2014 slipped away ( seriously i wasnt watching i was asleep when the new year came).  I am lucky by so many standards , i got issues sure but still lucky.  I have this cycle of feeling grateful, then down trodden, then guilty for not feeling grateful, then apathetic, then, then, then. Heres the thing people have it worse sooo much worse than me. I understand that if i were fighting for life i wouldn’t have time to feel depressed  or blue. People running from bears often don’t worry about being insecure either, doesn’t mean i want to go poke a bear. I know im lucky, however that my problems are still important to me.  Your issues are real, my issues are real we matter! That is what i love about blogging i get to put whatever random part of me that floats to the surface  out there into the world. Maybe no one cares but that’s the beauty, there are millions of blogs out there each one putting pieces of the blogger into the world to be embraced by someone like themselves ( or someone so totally different they read it like a sociological study) but its out there. It’s out there and it matters.  So welcome 2015. Welcome bloggers. Welcome readers. Lets rock this like 1999!

The cold hard truth

image

We are entering the cold unforgiving winter months, peppered by harsh winds and wet snows. The most troublesome weather for me however is the ice. The ice coats the roads, the steps, the sidewalks and streets making it a roller rink of oh hell no.  When it covers my car in a thick layer reminiscent of the evil slime on the library in ghost busters, no amount of singing will break it free. It may come as no surprise that through the years i have been caught unprepared for the onslaught of winter. The first instance that comes to mind my door had frozen shut, completely and totally shut. I had to get to work, and this was pre YouTube so there were no helpful ” how to unfreeze your door” videos.  So i boiled a pot of water, it was too small and froze instantly upon being carefully poured over the crack of my door.  Obviously i was going to need a bigger pot and this time i added salt to keep it from freezing. This method did work but i have been told it was a horrible idea, also when removing said big pot from the stove top its important to remember to shut off the fire or the spilled something or other you had for supper the night before might ignight  and start a small fire. My second run in with my icy nemesis was a year or two later when after a storm rolled thru i had to be at work at an ungodly hour for inventory. I had no scraper, there was no scraper buried in my husbands truck either( i had been very explicitly told my hot water trick would likely produce dire consequences if employed on a window so that was out) i rummaged throughout the house looking for an ice scraper like thing the closest i could come up with was a spatula from the kitchen drawer. It was not a very effective choice. After chipping a hole the size of my face in the front window i donned my husbands Elmer Fudd style hunting hat rolled the rest of the windows down to add some visibility and tore off to work at the break neck speed of idle. I made it exactly two blocks before i passed a police officer, i knew i was in the wrong and so was not surprised when he pulled me over. Heres the thing about me, when faced with the choice of admitting im wrong and false bravado i most often do the latter. He slipped and slides up to my already rolled down window and i smiled up at him win all my Fudd like innocence.  The following is a recap of the conversation.

  •  Cop- do you know why i pulled you over?
  • me- i have a pretty good idea
  • cop- do you realy feel like it is safe to drive with your windshield like that? You can hardly see…
  • me- i can see….. Kind of. And im late for work and i couldn’t find a scraper and i tried i realy realy tried, but all i could find was a spatula ( picture me brandishing a spatula in a cops face at four in the morning) a SPATULA! Do you know how hard it is to scrape your windows with a spatulas sooooo hard. Besides its horrible out here and it looks like it’s just you and me on the road so as long as you don’t swerve in front of me it is perfectly safe…
  • cop- wait right here
  • me in my head – great idiot guess who going to have to do a breathalyzer
  • cop- here is a brand new ice scraper pull around the corner and do a better job

I was truly lucky to have such a forgiving officer pull me over if i was him i would have at least made that weird chick walk a line or something. I have mostly learned my lesson, there was that one time last year when i was dropping the kids off at school in my husbands truck and i cant reach the middle of the windshield so it was not properly scraped. Sorry kids but if the police tell you to pull over and do better you do it( even if you have to climb on the hood in your fuzzy pink pajamas while parked in front of the school to do so)

How old am I ? No really I don’t remember…

image

I celebrated a birthday back in Aug. the big …. Thirty some years old. I actually had to stop and do the math the other day. I stopped counting at 21 had a brief hmmm at thirty and now if my age is the only thing in have to worry about then AWESOME! Actually this year I am heading into is looking pretty exciting and fun. Opening a new chapter in my life with my favorite character the hubby who has been diligently replacing  piece by piece things on our ” new” tractor as they break ( turns out being tractor people is a lot of work). Fall is here the nights are getting cooler and i am still working tens leaving me just a bit time and energy crunched for girly primping/ maintenance. Last week however my ego took a couple of hard hits, i don’t mind looking my age but no older thank you very much. ( it doesn’t help that when the hubby shaves he might still get carded to this day). At work i was mistaken for the sister of someone who literally has children  older than me. A few days later i was complaining about being too warm and one of the older ladies suggested maybe it was menopause….yeah thanks. Perhaps its time to spend a little time on me.

Letters R and S

Its been so busy lately and no end is in sight, makes me think of  childhood vs. grownup ….

So.

image

Todays post is brought to you by the letters R and S

when i was child i relaxed by ….

  •  Running
  •  Reading
  • Realy long talks with my friends

And now as an adult i relax by….

  • Sleep
  • Sex with my husband (just to be clear and to make sure i am not coming off promiscuous to any weirdies )
  • Sooo many margaritas
  • Snuggleing
  • Stalking social media ( although to be honest this is not as relaxing as one might hope, see my post about Facebook for more on that)

Funny enough as an adult the thing i find most relaxing is my children, children are so honest about everything  from their ” compliments” i.e. ” your smarter than i thought mom”  to their love freely given. And as an adult i still love to read but its less escapism and more just enjoyment.

Pumpkin spice is in the sheets…

I am feeling a bit better and am sitting on my porch soaking in some lovely false fall. I say false because this is Kansas and i am sure we will be hitting close to 100 a time or two before real fall gets here. Once or twice a week (depending on my will power and my faith i will be winning the lottery soon) i stop in the Starbucks drive thru on my way to work. Last week as my faithful little vehicle made the turn into the drive thru almost by itself i blearily look at the board, something i don’t normally do as i have ordered the same thing from Starbucks for the last six years ” venti vanilla late with an extra shot of espresso” ( side note i realise it already comes with two shots that’s why i said EXTRA shot don’t judge me barista just do it thank you)  but on this particular morning i see pumpkin scone yay! Small moment of panic when she says we don’t have them yet… Wait! What? They are on the sign it is one minute past open , i am your first customer… I don’t understand. Oh never mind she says today is the first day for them i didn’t realise haha. Haha yeah i don’t laugh before caffeine sorry, and that is how i became probably the first person in central standard time zone to score me a pumpkin scone.

image

I realise some of you were probably thinking i was going to go on about the pumpkin spiced late available early this year, um no and here is why. When my youngest was little and i was in the throes of sleep deprivation i  made an unfortunate mistake.  She was a formula baby and i kept some premixed in the fridge , one night about an hour after her feeding  she spit up it smelled horrible…. Omg it smelled like pumpkin spice  coffee creamer and doom. I got her squared away and went to the kitchen you see i had been washing and reusing the coffee creamer bottles to shake and store the formula in they poured easy sealed well and were handy, that is untill you grab the wrong one and give your sweet angel a bottle of pumpkin spiced creamer as a midnight snack.  She did drink that bottle faster than any ever before however to this day i just can not do a pumpkin spiced late.

Falling down the rabbit hole of online addictions….

Ahh solitaire one of my first computer based addictions. Due to the statue of limitations I feel like I can admit that most of the time I was supposed to be learning computer based German I was indeed playing solitaire. As I have grown and the internet and offline and online gaming has expanded so has my ability to effectively entertain/ distract myself with its help. I know some people who are all ” well this is fun” they play for a bit get up and run a marathon or build a house or some shit. I am more like ” I find this mildly entertaining”   Becomes unable to put it down not for even a minute. It’s not even always a game, my progression thru online/gaming addiction followed this general path…

  • Oregon trail
  • tetris
  • image
  • Mario brothers
  • Zelda
  • dr Mario
  • e-mail
  • hot shots golf
  • face book
  • cafe world
  • mafia wars
  • clash of clans
  • pintrest ( to be honest this is still ongoing)
  • hearthstone
  • This blog

This is just the ” major ones”  there were times in my life my distractions were not electronics based. My children, Books, t.v. Shows, ” going out” aka bar hopping, poker parties ( the card game gutter minds.. Lol) looming scarves, it cycles but regardless what it is or how important it felt at the time with few exceptions at one point i look up from the figurative  sand i have had my head buried in and blink owlishly and go wow i sure did waste a lot of time on __________. I hop to and begin the type of productivity i wish i had always.  The brain needs an outlet however, it needs to be able to shut down sometimes, it needs some distraction from the worries the stress the trauma and drama of the modern world.  So i strive for balance in this as i do in all things and often fail miserably…. Now back to candy crush i am on lvl 168 whoo -hoo.

🎶 sometimes in our lives…

No matter your age you have certain decades that  mark/scar/impact you for the rest of your life.  For me those were the 80’s and 90’s  i don’t feel like i am stuck in those decades i have moved on long ago. Recently however i discovered a music app that lets you listen to basically anything you want for free. I started a custom play list and found i am not as far removed from that side ponytail wearing chick as one might have hoped.

image

And if one were to be completely honest i still like the docs and own ( just one) plaid flannel shirt i might occasionally wear tied around my waist. I did not realise how bad it was untill my hubby pointed out my work expectations were based on no longer relevant sitcoms.. And asked for a percentage of how often i look around and find my self  baffled by the lack of acid wash and leg warmers. Pinned me down for a number 49.4 while not shocked by the passage of time i do sometimes yearn for the simpler times of getting my bangs high enough and having the peace sign earrings that matched my day glow bangles.  Much the same as the older generations might wish to slip into some bell bottoms. This is all probably a symptom of my avoidance tendencies im sure a doctor would say, but the last doctor i trusted was doogie howser so we will never know…

Don’t i know you? Aka ” to all the ones i loved before”🎶

imageI have known so many people in my life, wonderful people, horrible people, boring people. I am not a well-traveled person, so even though i have met so many people it’s still just a tiny fraction of a percent of amazing people there is.  But here’s the thing i am not good at staying in touch even with people i truly care for, even with people who mattered to me, i don’t know if it is lazy, introverted, or just plain crappy of me( or all of the above) but i always think it will be less busy, more calm, quieter if i do it tomorrow or on the weekend. Even with the advent of social networks relationships slip thru the cracks, days turn into months and friends turn into  acquaintances and into strangers. I may know you have a new puppy, or a new baby,just got a job ( or lost one) but its all very voyeuristic when you can’t see my smile and i cant hear your voice.  Things happen, life happens, it happens every day to each one of us but then i get a reminder a forgotten memory dragging forth people from my past.and i stop and i wonder, and realise its been to long and it makes me sad but i still remember you my friends just like in time travel every little thing you did shaped and changed my life.Thank You

Twisted sisters and dodgeing alarm clocks

imageThere are few ties in life more diverse than that you have with your siblings. Now that im grown i have sisters  in law, brother-in-law, and all sorts of extended family that i love dearly. But tonight , tonight i want to talk about growing up as the little sister. My sister is just enough older than me for me to have been a constant painful hanger on-er for most of our early life. We fought oh my god how we fought, she told me stories i believed for years( still can’t eat a whopper, chocolate covered moth balls indeed!). In middle school i developed the habit of not doing homework till the middle of the night  so as not to cut into my play time after school. So i would diligently set my  alarm clock for midnightish and then sneak into the bathroom to complete my work, and no this was not allowed  but as established in an earlier post i was indeed an ass. Problem was i started to shut the alarm off with out really waking up, my already questionable grades could not afford this.  I started hiding the alarm around the room i shared with my sister, hiding it too well im afraid after several nights of this nonsense she had  enough! when the alarm went off  i could not find it so i flipped on the light ( yes at midnight) just in time to see the old-time heavy metal alarm clock flying at my head. When i got up from my prone position it was to see that i was indeed fine but the alarm clock lodged in the dry wall just a bit. Years later we both got our own rooms, but by then we were starting to become friends and nights would often find me in her room so we could chat like we used to. My sister was my first enemy and now my closest friend , go figure.