The cold hard truth

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We are entering the cold unforgiving winter months, peppered by harsh winds and wet snows. The most troublesome weather for me however is the ice. The ice coats the roads, the steps, the sidewalks and streets making it a roller rink of oh hell no.  When it covers my car in a thick layer reminiscent of the evil slime on the library in ghost busters, no amount of singing will break it free. It may come as no surprise that through the years i have been caught unprepared for the onslaught of winter. The first instance that comes to mind my door had frozen shut, completely and totally shut. I had to get to work, and this was pre YouTube so there were no helpful ” how to unfreeze your door” videos.  So i boiled a pot of water, it was too small and froze instantly upon being carefully poured over the crack of my door.  Obviously i was going to need a bigger pot and this time i added salt to keep it from freezing. This method did work but i have been told it was a horrible idea, also when removing said big pot from the stove top its important to remember to shut off the fire or the spilled something or other you had for supper the night before might ignight  and start a small fire. My second run in with my icy nemesis was a year or two later when after a storm rolled thru i had to be at work at an ungodly hour for inventory. I had no scraper, there was no scraper buried in my husbands truck either( i had been very explicitly told my hot water trick would likely produce dire consequences if employed on a window so that was out) i rummaged throughout the house looking for an ice scraper like thing the closest i could come up with was a spatula from the kitchen drawer. It was not a very effective choice. After chipping a hole the size of my face in the front window i donned my husbands Elmer Fudd style hunting hat rolled the rest of the windows down to add some visibility and tore off to work at the break neck speed of idle. I made it exactly two blocks before i passed a police officer, i knew i was in the wrong and so was not surprised when he pulled me over. Heres the thing about me, when faced with the choice of admitting im wrong and false bravado i most often do the latter. He slipped and slides up to my already rolled down window and i smiled up at him win all my Fudd like innocence.  The following is a recap of the conversation.

  •  Cop- do you know why i pulled you over?
  • me- i have a pretty good idea
  • cop- do you realy feel like it is safe to drive with your windshield like that? You can hardly see…
  • me- i can see….. Kind of. And im late for work and i couldn’t find a scraper and i tried i realy realy tried, but all i could find was a spatula ( picture me brandishing a spatula in a cops face at four in the morning) a SPATULA! Do you know how hard it is to scrape your windows with a spatulas sooooo hard. Besides its horrible out here and it looks like it’s just you and me on the road so as long as you don’t swerve in front of me it is perfectly safe…
  • cop- wait right here
  • me in my head – great idiot guess who going to have to do a breathalyzer
  • cop- here is a brand new ice scraper pull around the corner and do a better job

I was truly lucky to have such a forgiving officer pull me over if i was him i would have at least made that weird chick walk a line or something. I have mostly learned my lesson, there was that one time last year when i was dropping the kids off at school in my husbands truck and i cant reach the middle of the windshield so it was not properly scraped. Sorry kids but if the police tell you to pull over and do better you do it( even if you have to climb on the hood in your fuzzy pink pajamas while parked in front of the school to do so)

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