Second verse same as the first

You know how you are cruising pintrest and you see a really inspirational quote and when you click on it brings you to a website that offers a free are you depressed quiz? So you think ” why not?” You take the quiz and then they tell you your score so you compare it to the chart that helpfully says you are clinically depressed? So then you end up yelling at the screen screw you pintrest you can’t judge me!  Yeah me either, also i think inspirational quotes are just a racket to make you feel worse about your total lack of ability of looking on the bright side of things.

 

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Supposed to be cold as heck here this coming week,  cold as a witches titties they say although im not sure why. I have different versions of cold weather dress. They go like this.

  • Probably should have grabbed a jacket
  • probably should have put on real shoes and grabbed a coat
  • i don’t care what my hair looks like when i get there im putting on a hat
  • full on Elmer Fudd hat and down insulated parka so hard to drive this way but too cold to care.

Hope tomorrow is not going to be a Fudd day, monday is hard enough to face.

Annnd theeeen

The gifts are unwrapped the food has been consumed, the holiday is over. I spent time in the presence of family and the bosom of Baileys. I am exhausted. I am lucky for all of my blessings, but unable to fully embrace the coming new year. An endless cycle of ups and downs. Perhaps when i feel this way a post is not what i should be attempting, after all there is enough negative out in the world already. Leave this world a better place they say, at least your corner of it. This blog is my corner of the (web) world it’s not fancy but its mine. So i will leave you with some cute pet photos and be back another day with humor and stupidity to brighten my corner.

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Wishing you a manic little christmas

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It has been awhile since i posted, i would say that i have been busy and it would not be a lie. It would not be the whole truth however, i have been also been stewing. It’s that time of year again when i have christmas in my heart and manic panic in my brain.

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I gorge on cheesy christmas specials and endless christmas songs. I bake and goodie make.

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I purchase and wrap. I laugh and cry. I go into a flurry of activity and then crawl under the covers and don’t want ever get up again. Perhaps i set my expectations too high, im not talking gifts and monetary things. Perhaps my emotional expectations are too high. I feel this need to get my ” happy hopeful fix” before the dreary grey days of January. It builds and builds in my mind, and then i disappoint myself by not meeting some invisible goal in my mind of what i should have done for my children, my husband, my family…. despite all this i still love this time of year. I know i don’t often speak of my children here but when they were asked what they wanted for christmas the youngest said ” time with my family” and the oldest said ” christmas is about family” .  So from my family to yours have the most joyful of holidays. Aka hang in there it’s almost done wont we miss it when its gone.

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The cold hard truth

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We are entering the cold unforgiving winter months, peppered by harsh winds and wet snows. The most troublesome weather for me however is the ice. The ice coats the roads, the steps, the sidewalks and streets making it a roller rink of oh hell no.  When it covers my car in a thick layer reminiscent of the evil slime on the library in ghost busters, no amount of singing will break it free. It may come as no surprise that through the years i have been caught unprepared for the onslaught of winter. The first instance that comes to mind my door had frozen shut, completely and totally shut. I had to get to work, and this was pre YouTube so there were no helpful ” how to unfreeze your door” videos.  So i boiled a pot of water, it was too small and froze instantly upon being carefully poured over the crack of my door.  Obviously i was going to need a bigger pot and this time i added salt to keep it from freezing. This method did work but i have been told it was a horrible idea, also when removing said big pot from the stove top its important to remember to shut off the fire or the spilled something or other you had for supper the night before might ignight  and start a small fire. My second run in with my icy nemesis was a year or two later when after a storm rolled thru i had to be at work at an ungodly hour for inventory. I had no scraper, there was no scraper buried in my husbands truck either( i had been very explicitly told my hot water trick would likely produce dire consequences if employed on a window so that was out) i rummaged throughout the house looking for an ice scraper like thing the closest i could come up with was a spatula from the kitchen drawer. It was not a very effective choice. After chipping a hole the size of my face in the front window i donned my husbands Elmer Fudd style hunting hat rolled the rest of the windows down to add some visibility and tore off to work at the break neck speed of idle. I made it exactly two blocks before i passed a police officer, i knew i was in the wrong and so was not surprised when he pulled me over. Heres the thing about me, when faced with the choice of admitting im wrong and false bravado i most often do the latter. He slipped and slides up to my already rolled down window and i smiled up at him win all my Fudd like innocence.  The following is a recap of the conversation.

  •  Cop- do you know why i pulled you over?
  • me- i have a pretty good idea
  • cop- do you realy feel like it is safe to drive with your windshield like that? You can hardly see…
  • me- i can see….. Kind of. And im late for work and i couldn’t find a scraper and i tried i realy realy tried, but all i could find was a spatula ( picture me brandishing a spatula in a cops face at four in the morning) a SPATULA! Do you know how hard it is to scrape your windows with a spatulas sooooo hard. Besides its horrible out here and it looks like it’s just you and me on the road so as long as you don’t swerve in front of me it is perfectly safe…
  • cop- wait right here
  • me in my head – great idiot guess who going to have to do a breathalyzer
  • cop- here is a brand new ice scraper pull around the corner and do a better job

I was truly lucky to have such a forgiving officer pull me over if i was him i would have at least made that weird chick walk a line or something. I have mostly learned my lesson, there was that one time last year when i was dropping the kids off at school in my husbands truck and i cant reach the middle of the windshield so it was not properly scraped. Sorry kids but if the police tell you to pull over and do better you do it( even if you have to climb on the hood in your fuzzy pink pajamas while parked in front of the school to do so)

When i sing out loud and proud someone may wreck the car

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I love to sing and dance, but only when i am alone (mostly  when im alone my censor is a bit twitchy so i sometimes just do/say things that should be shared only with loved ones or perhaps a therapist/ vocal instructor) I have a lovely voice perfectly suited to the shower and my vehicle.i sing almost exclusively the choirs, and sometimes not even that. I have perfectly good hearing but tend to only get half the story. One year right before christmas i was traveling down the road in a mini van piloted by my  mother in law and accompanied by a friend and neighbor and five kids. When silent night came on i couldn’t help but sing along to this simple tune.  Unfortunately unbeknownst to me i had been singing it wrong for many years. It is not ” round young virgin” it is instead supposed to be ” round yon virgin” , we about died that day as it is apparently hard to drive when crying from laughing so hard. ( i still hold that she was indeed a round young virgin so it was an accurate mistake). Other song lyrics i heard wrong.

  • “balls and blood dust and mud”  sung loud and proud on the way home from a church lock-in when i was 14, however  the line from this Garth brooks song goes “bulls and blood dust and mud”
  • Beech ( the airplane )roller coaster   = beach ( as in sand near the ocean) roller coaster ,this is a current country song i don’t know who sings it but i must have heard it six times before i realized my mistake.

Also due to the fact i listen to the beat and chorus i often do not really  “get ” the message of the song .  To help you out “mellow yellow” is not referring to the soda pop, and the song which prompted this post ” all about that base” the song i have been jamming to the choirs for months at work is about butts and size NOT about the actual base of actual music. A bit embarrassing  to be honest, i don’t mind singing about plumpalishious beings but i would like to realise that’s what im doing.

All tapped out

 

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Today at work we were given the opportunity to donate blood via a guilt inducting message at the time clock. I havent given blood since college, it is an easy relatively painless way to give to others so i signed up to donate. When it was time for my appointment i was pleasantly surprised i got to stay on the clock while donating ( i assumed i was going to be doing this while losing pay)  If you have never donated blood its an interesting process of questions and answers, in this case it was done in an impossibly small room about the size of an airplane bathroom. My interviewer was a perfectly pleasant man with an  endless quantity of burps. I am a bit closterphobic  so it was a bit of an issue. Im surprised they took my blood, by the time the interview was over i was twitching like a crack head in withdrawals.  The questions are personal and my answers were predictably boring. ” have you traveled to any of these foreign countries. Have you ever performed these acts? Tattoos or piercings in the last 6 mo.?” No, no, no, ….. ” taken a product containing aspirin in the last three days?” Wait YES! I took some excedrin yesterday ( living the wild life) Then i was passed down the line to some lovely cheerful blood drawling ladies .  I have experienced thru my life needles and poking and this was no big deal. Until i thought about it too hard, looking down at the little Baggie of blood thinking its kinda weird. Then thinking its kind of creepy. Then thinking LET ME OUT, let me out of this wagon of doom ahhhh they steal my life force. I held it together and was rewarded with cheese its .  Sometimes my lack of focus can be used to my advantage. All in all i would defiantly recommend giving blood it helps others and ya know cheese its .