What are you supposed to be?

I understand wanting to feel sexy, i get it i really do.  I enjoy showing off the cleavage sometimes,  putting on some heals, or even just slipping on that pair of jeans that fit just right. Celebrate your self!  Embrace your confidence!  When i feel good about me then i exude that and am generally more pleasant to be around. Sexy is a state of mind and it comes in many guises brains,  caring, empathy all of these things can be quite sexy.  We are now in the throes of the Halloween season the time of year it seems everyone ” lets their sexy out”  librarians , grocery store clerks, your old third grade teacher sexy/ naughty versions of everything. In a way its an interesting thing to see people break free from their mold and do their own thing, however is it your own thing when almost every costume looks like a hooker dressing up as something else?

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The children’s costumes are the worst. In the tiny sizes its pretty safe, but by the time they are  nine or ten your fighting the battle of  how many ways can they sexualize female children.  So i guess i have no point, have fun, be safe embrace your inner whatever ( and if your inner whatever happens to be a hooker good for you your costume selection is vast) .

in rereading my post i see perhaps my inner whatever is coming off a bit grinchie. To be clear i love Halloween, i enjoy the pumpkins, the children, i even enjoy the hours spent chasing my children thru often dark and cold streets as they jet off for the next great untapped Bowl of candy.  As for me i think i will dress as a mom it works for most days, and i will leave the sexy for date night with my amazing husband.

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All legal like

 

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Back in the beginning ish part of August i celebrated a birthday, my driver’s license expired on my birthday. i discovered this  a week after the fact. Even though i have no vacation or leave of any kind acrewed i requested the following monday off. Unfortunatly it turns out the office doesn’t do licenses on monday. I have to ask off at least a week in advance so the next friday i take a half day only to get to the courthouse in my county and find they stop offering licenses at this location at 3:30, also unlike tags and taxes you can go to any location to get your licenses.  Weeks pass i know i need to get this taken care of,the longer i wait the bigger deal it becomes. I’m typically a stickler for the rules, now i am a bona fied criminal.  You know who passes you when you go the spread limit?  ( typically i go no more than four miles over anyway) EVERYONE  passes you, im pretty sure i got flipped off by one of the greatest generation on the way home one day.  Then i bite the bullet and ask off again. i don’t say why because i already asked off for my license twice. Hmmm if i use the truth it will sound like a lie i mean who has this much trouble renewing a license? On friday i do my hair, i do my make up,  i put on my big girl panties and walk out the door with the hubbies prediction of doom ringing in my ears ” you probably will have to take a test”.  I  decided to try  a different DMV place due to the fact i had already looked stupid twice to the one. I get predictably lost, consulted my new fancy phone, get more lost had to  stop at a police station get directions that require the word catty wompus and find it right away .  I’m nervous will i have to call to get a ride home? Surely if something goes awry they will contact the cops so as to arrest my non licensed butt before i drive away. I walked in reach for a ” take a number”  only to have the clerk call me up. What kind of parallel universe is this that has no line at the dmv? I tell him i need to renew my licenses and he’s all ” great!” I’m all you don’t understand i moved i didn’t change my address so then i am an idiot and didn’t realize it expired im so sorry ” please don’t make me parallel park!”   I practically scream at him.That was the mantra running thru my head you got his as long as you don’t have to parallel park.  He said the late fee would be huge , i understand i say its my fault lets just do this. In my photo i look a bit wrung out visions of hundreds of dollars in fines rolling thru my mind. Click, shuffle some papers, then a whopping fee of $23 im all right and tight with the law again. Yay!

Don’t underestimate the small stuff

I have been struggling as of late, just a general  malaise . This week has been particularly bad.  Today at lunch a florist truck pulled into my work parking lot it was flowers  and a box of chocolates for ME!

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Because he knew i needed a pick me up my husband sent me flowers.  I have always said flowers are a waste of money, but they made my day.  When i called to thank him he said he had been falling down on the job as far as romantic gestures go, but he was wrong so very wrong. You see yesterday he cooked me my favorite meal ( four months ago he didn’t cook at all)  he cooked it to make me happy, and when i ate too much and fell exhausted into bed at 9:30  with a stomach ache he brought me pepto bismal and tucked me in.  Learning to cook,  caring for me when I’m tired or ill those are the small things that mean so much, small things that add up to feeling loved.  My flowers are wonderful and made me smile all day cheered me up at yet another long day at work. But as far as romance goes I’ll take the little things that maybe are not very flashy  but matter so much. Continue reading

Please kick me out

I have mentioned before my dislike of violence and scary gory things. I have also mentioned my desire to not be viewed as to horribly strange.  In the fall when i was a mere slip of a girl ( somewhere between 11 and now) these two things warred with each other resulting in me going to a ” haunted house”.  I was predictably to cool to say hell no so i stood in line internally freaking out ” isn’t this goofy”  . I handed over my money entered the dim interior and got unexplainabley lost,  spinning in a circle and squinting like a mole person to the point one of the monsters pointed me in the right direction.  The experience ranged from gross to sad until…. Someone/ thing jumped out at me sending me into the flight portion of fight or flight. Except what i thought was an emergency door was actually just a dark spot painted onto the plywood ” wall” . When i was kicked out of the haunted house  i was not indignant i was grateful and completely humiliated. That is the story of how i made that haunted house my bitch, aka sorry i freaked and took out that wall.

Weird things i do

They are doing some remodeling at work one of the things they did was brick over a large fan in the wall that lead outside sometimes giving a glimpse of the outside world. My first thought was ” oh no that was my emergency escape”. I guess it’s from growing up on Macgiver and to many episodes of burn notice in recent years but in my head i devise escape plans and emergency actions for crazy home alone type scenarios .   I guess while others are out defending our freedom or protecting i make plans with the heart of a lion and the spine of a jellyfish.  It makes me feel less like i will freeze in emergency and more like i will rise to the occasion.  Maybe it is common maybe im just a bit odd i really don’t know, you don’t often look at those around you and ask if they have a emergency plan involving fire extinguishers or zip ties . What would you do if a gunman came thru that door? It’s a scary world we live in i guess this is just one of my coping mechanisms. Maybe i just am missing the fresh air….

 

Oh hello

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Its been a hard couple of weeks at work they have upped our hours back to ten and then this weekend we had to work saturday as well.  Going back to work has been a huge change for me and i constantly feel like the people i love are not getting the time and attention they need, so giving up weekend time is not something i willingly do.  We are a very small workforce so if everyone  is not pulling their weight  it shows.

So anyway on Fridays we get an hour for lunch an hour i decided  to use to run errands. Normally on my lunch i call my husband so i can see how his day is going and just to say hello. So on this particular friday i was one of those annoying cell phone people who yammer in public  on their phone  oblivious to those around them.  I was not so far gone however that i was going to stay on the phone while being helped by the cashier so i let him go and waited for my turn.

The lady in front of me turned around and said ” i think its one of those days we all should have stayed in bed”   I definitely should have i told her.  ” i heard you say that you had to get out of there before you punched her in the who ha “. Ooono busted at being  not very nice feeling chagrined and probably flushing at being  caught  i said oh sorry ( please cashier hurry) but she just shook her head smiled and said ” when i heard you say that i just had to say hello, i work with like twelve like that”  aaah kindred spirits can be found anywhere even in the walmart check out line on lunch break.

Who are you? And what do you want?

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I am a horrible judge of people,  horrible. I am gullible i WANT to believe people are good honest non dirt bags.  Part of it is probably from growing up in such a small town, a town where still to this day some don’t lock up due to their trust in those around them. Ironically one of the things that shook my foundation of trust happened in this same small trusting town, after we inherited this property and while we were still working on fixing it up we were robbed. Gone was my great grandmothers antique clock, camel back trunks full of yet undiscovered treasures, all of the tools we were using so much stuff that it had to have taken literally hours and at the very least a horse trailer to do.  No one saw or heard a thing.  I was angry, scared, and felt a sence of violation i never knew existed with this type of crime.  It has been years since this happened no one was ever caught, but still to this day my trust has not fully recovered.  Yet i find myself assuming the best of people ( unless they are on my property then… Well lets just say i might come across like crazy get off my property person). I trust too easy, believe what people say , after all what purpose is there to lie to me.  I guess i would rather live in a world that sometimes screws me over then look at the world and say screw you! Sometimes even i have a radar that says ooo scary, awhile back i was talking to my hubby about someone i had met that gave me the heebie geebies .  I felt bad that this person gave me the creeps and by the time  i had finished talking i had talked myself into thinking i needed to try harder after all i had no proof or concrete reason to feel this way. I should stop being so judgey and mean.  My husband listened to me all the way thru this meandering reasoning waited for me to stop talking and said in his plane spoken way ” screw that if he gives you the creeps steer clear, to many people these days ignore their instincts”.  I guess my point is trust your instincts, hope for good from those around you but don’t let hope blind you from the reality that some people suck. Happy Monday all

How old am I ? No really I don’t remember…

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I celebrated a birthday back in Aug. the big …. Thirty some years old. I actually had to stop and do the math the other day. I stopped counting at 21 had a brief hmmm at thirty and now if my age is the only thing in have to worry about then AWESOME! Actually this year I am heading into is looking pretty exciting and fun. Opening a new chapter in my life with my favorite character the hubby who has been diligently replacing  piece by piece things on our ” new” tractor as they break ( turns out being tractor people is a lot of work). Fall is here the nights are getting cooler and i am still working tens leaving me just a bit time and energy crunched for girly primping/ maintenance. Last week however my ego took a couple of hard hits, i don’t mind looking my age but no older thank you very much. ( it doesn’t help that when the hubby shaves he might still get carded to this day). At work i was mistaken for the sister of someone who literally has children  older than me. A few days later i was complaining about being too warm and one of the older ladies suggested maybe it was menopause….yeah thanks. Perhaps its time to spend a little time on me.