Put your ” listening ears” on


In the land of optimism vs. pessimism the glass half empty half full question is the old standby. My question is whats in the glass? Who put it there? Was it full at one point then had some removed thus being half empty? Or was it completely empty and then filled to this extent thus being half full now? Ok not really on topic i guess, what i was starting to say us i have a tendency to look on the gloomy side of things. This is of particular problem when i am listening instead of hearing the actual words. i often hear what i think is being said ( however since no one i know is as negative about me as i am i hear my negative self-doubt being parroted into their words).  It drives my hubby crazy, ”  i never called you fat! I asked if the Swiss cake rolls were gone you don’t listen….”  I listen its just sometimes hard to hear others over the inner dialog of self-doubt. So i guess im just going to say shut up inner voice im trying to listen. Dont shut up all the time though otherwise who will i talk to about weird stuff like that one hair that grows in that one place what the hell i think im turning into a wear wolf or something…..what if it’s a margarita glass then it wont be half anything i will drink it dry  then i really will have a hard time listening.


Could of been so beautiful…


I get a half hour for my lunch, i normally try to bring something munchy because we are in the  more industrial part of town ( plus fast food is pricy and quite frankly i don’t need the junk calories) . It has been a week of blerg and i just wanted to get away for a bit so i hopped in my car aaaaand train, hmm my food window is closing rapidly. The art work on the train however really was impressive, some of it might mean horrible  gang related things but it is still interesting what can be accomplished with spray paint ( don’t graffiti kids its wrong).  Ok so McDonald’s it is,  nuggets and unsweetened tea please( please unsweetened the other stuff is like tea flavored pop and it’s always a 50/50 chance i get what i ask for). When i pulled up to the window the guy says the nice lady in front of you paid for you awww, i looked back and see no one behind me i am feeling flustered , i check my mirrors still no one behind me… The guy is all you can pull forward now. I pull forward try to smile in such a way that the person in front of me can feel my gratitude and glance in my mirror oooohhh no someone behind me. I am now sandwiched between the person who random act of kindness me and the person who  i did not pass it on to AWKWARD. I went back to work inhaling  in the few  minutes i had left nuggets  that tasted mildly like guilt. I know i do things for people, i am highly opinionated but generally try to not be a crappy person. I know the random act of kindness should just be viewed as a happy gift, what is wrong with me that it felt like a weight that must be carried till i could pass it on? So this morning i was running early, i had a lovely breakfast of crapes prepared by my husband and i got to go in late so i got to eat with my kiddos and hubby yay. Anyway i hit town early and decided to splurge  on a Starbucks, i pulled into the parking lot and totally  realized now was my chance to pay it forward so i did. The feeling of doing good was tempered however by the fact i kinda accidentally cut the person behind me in line off in the parking lot. Hmmm  i can  nail random, my kindness could use some work i guess.

The air is thin when you take the high road




I was kinda dreading going to work yesterday morning because as of  friday one of my coworkers had decided that i was persona non grata. The following is a brief summery of the texts i sent to my sweetie on monday.

  • I am getting the silent treatment, havent had that since grade school
  • I am being the bigger person
  • petulant children
  • she would be more productive if everyone was getting the silent treatment
  • Ok now i am getting aggravated
  • high road abandoned now im having fun
  • every time i say i like a song she changes the radio now i am saying i like every song after five changes she gave up tee hee
  • It’s actually pretty fun to talk to some one giving you the silent treatment its like talking to yourself but with the added benefit of driving someone crazy

apparently  my tactics worked as of today i am no longer benefiting from the icy silence, now i am wondering why it bugged me at all after all  ” silence is golden”.  I do find it a bit off-putting however that since i started working out side the home and am no longer a stay at home mom i am the beneficiary  of more childish behavior than i ever received from my  children.

Apples to apples, sauce to sauce..


Harvest time has come and gone. We  are still in the prep process for the orchard so no trees there, however we have one lovely old gala tree all overgrown and the source of our inspiration. Every spring we debate about spraying for apple eating critters, we have always erred on the side of  natural, healthy,  ( lazy) pesticide free fruit. Every fall we say next year we will spray, maybe. It’s nice to pick an apple polish it on your shirt and hand it to a waiting child with no fear of contamination.  I have been researching something called permaculture, a kinda circle of life approach to pest control.  Once the apples are picked the real work begins, peeling, coring, slicing.

image Grandmas canning jars awww

Apple butter, apple pie filling, apple sauce ( did anyone else read that in the bubba gump voice in their head?  No? Hmm )  i freeze the pie filling and honest to god can the sauce.


I know these days more and more people are learning these basic skills all of our grandmothers knew, but i am always so pleasantly pleased when they come out of the boiling water all steaming and shiny and make that popping noise that lets me know i didn’t screw it up Yay!


A decided lack of dangly bits….

The short people  who live with us have not always had a good track record for shutting the gate. Years ago the family was sitting around the table on a lazy sunday morning eating pancakes when we spot our lab in the front yard out again for the second time that week. I jumped up ran outside and started calling him, he reacted as usual by running down the street peeing on lawns and sniffing all the smells. Inside i run grabbing flops, a pancake and keys intent on retrieving our retriever. My head hanging out the window yelling disrupting the quiet weekend morning TROOPER!  tROoooooopEr!


While under my breath damn dog , stupid dog,  and then there he is making good time happy as can be. i pull to the side fling open my door and call him standing there in my p.j.’s  waveing a pancake here boy yummy yummy…. And then he jumped! He jumped down a seven-foot concrete drainage ditch , a jump i knew his old man bones couldn’t make. I ran to the side expecting the worst but the dog was just fine , it also wasnt my dog it was a little GIRL lab with the exact same collar and a look theat said why are you chasing me crazy lady. I quietly got back in my car ( nothing to see here just trying to lure unsuspecting dogs to my car with the promise of treats )headed home  walked thru the door looked out the back window and  there was MY dog safe and sound. Leaving me feeling grateful and like a complete idiot, yep sounds about right.


All is fair…

It’s the time of year when the milo is turning a lovely copper color, the days are getting cooler and the state fair is going down. I love going to the fair, i have never been to fairs from other states but the Kansas fair is a delightful Hodge podge of our rural agrarian roots and the seizure inducing blast of lights and sounds peppered with the latest deep-fried nonsense that one must try. We treat the fair as a kind of all-inclusive petting zoo, there is of course the actual petting zoo this year featuring a porcupine, zebras,  a zedonk ( honestly i think a fence broke and some one got frisky  who the hell has heard of  a zadonk ?) and an army of  shirt eating goats.


Then we moved on to the cow exhibits , lamas, bunnies, chickens, geese, turkey’s. Ect. After touching every living creature we possibly can ( and a funny moment when my youngest unknowingly  pet someones jacket by mistake ” sorry lady with the furry coat 😳”) , onward to see giant pumpkins, and other mutant veggies grown to the size of small children.


Meandering thru booths collecting free pencils and pens, pamphlets and various  junk all on the way to the holy grail of the Kansas state fair the BUTTER SCULPTURE,  that’s right a life-sized sculpture of a different thing each year made of butter… What will it be? what will it be?…  ( spoiler alert) Well this year it was a grandma on a pogo stick being cheered on by little kids.  Now night has fallen and the lights of the midway are calling, so much fun and adrenalin.


We wait in line and nearby a  mother discovers her child is missing , i clutch my children a little tighter  the police are  there my eyes search the crowds for the child i heard her describe  and then the little girl is found and i tear up right there on the midway and say a silent thank you that this was not a tragedy . Onward to games with stuffed animal prizes  and there up ahead Mecca …deep-fried cheese curds. Perfect end to a wonderful day, let’s drag our weary selves to the car.

Letters R and S

Its been so busy lately and no end is in sight, makes me think of  childhood vs. grownup ….



Todays post is brought to you by the letters R and S

when i was child i relaxed by ….

  •  Running
  •  Reading
  • Realy long talks with my friends

And now as an adult i relax by….

  • Sleep
  • Sex with my husband (just to be clear and to make sure i am not coming off promiscuous to any weirdies )
  • Sooo many margaritas
  • Snuggleing
  • Stalking social media ( although to be honest this is not as relaxing as one might hope, see my post about Facebook for more on that)

Funny enough as an adult the thing i find most relaxing is my children, children are so honest about everything  from their ” compliments” i.e. ” your smarter than i thought mom”  to their love freely given. And as an adult i still love to read but its less escapism and more just enjoyment.

Pumpkin spice is in the sheets…

I am feeling a bit better and am sitting on my porch soaking in some lovely false fall. I say false because this is Kansas and i am sure we will be hitting close to 100 a time or two before real fall gets here. Once or twice a week (depending on my will power and my faith i will be winning the lottery soon) i stop in the Starbucks drive thru on my way to work. Last week as my faithful little vehicle made the turn into the drive thru almost by itself i blearily look at the board, something i don’t normally do as i have ordered the same thing from Starbucks for the last six years ” venti vanilla late with an extra shot of espresso” ( side note i realise it already comes with two shots that’s why i said EXTRA shot don’t judge me barista just do it thank you)  but on this particular morning i see pumpkin scone yay! Small moment of panic when she says we don’t have them yet… Wait! What? They are on the sign it is one minute past open , i am your first customer… I don’t understand. Oh never mind she says today is the first day for them i didn’t realise haha. Haha yeah i don’t laugh before caffeine sorry, and that is how i became probably the first person in central standard time zone to score me a pumpkin scone.


I realise some of you were probably thinking i was going to go on about the pumpkin spiced late available early this year, um no and here is why. When my youngest was little and i was in the throes of sleep deprivation i  made an unfortunate mistake.  She was a formula baby and i kept some premixed in the fridge , one night about an hour after her feeding  she spit up it smelled horrible…. Omg it smelled like pumpkin spice  coffee creamer and doom. I got her squared away and went to the kitchen you see i had been washing and reusing the coffee creamer bottles to shake and store the formula in they poured easy sealed well and were handy, that is untill you grab the wrong one and give your sweet angel a bottle of pumpkin spiced creamer as a midnight snack.  She did drink that bottle faster than any ever before however to this day i just can not do a pumpkin spiced late.

Make a horrable patient.

I am sick with a fever feeling like ug in bed. My dear devoted husband is trying to care for me and i am feeling heavily medicated and petulant. I was wanting coffee not wanting to spread the germs i asked if he would like to make it for me.  He brings me a cup ahhh steamy coffee goodness yay. My heart says…





Wait! Wait! Is this TEA!?







I suddenly feel like my children do when i make them eat their veggies. Good for me humph.

Also Raman is apparently ” not a cure for illness” and it is impossible to say Raman with a nose as congested as mine. He made it for me anyway, you know its true love cuz i am being a pain in the ass.

May i please speak with…

My first job did me a huge favor, it made most other jobs i have had seem not so bad. I have been hateful here on my blog, rude , crude, and socially unacceptable. Now however is the time to fear your judgement. My name is cupcake and i used to be a telemarketer.


I was young i didn’t know any better, they promised quick cash no questions asked. It was air-conditioned and didn’t require me to operate a fry basket. Rationalization aside i stayed with that job for three years. At first it wasnt that bad, sit there and wait for the computer to dial a number and bloop off to the races. Credit cards credit cards credit cards, you don’t want them fine next number please.  Still to this day when confronted with an unknown call my voice gets that telemarketer/ bill collector tone that often gets me hung up on when calling for the PTA or the children’s parties .My little cubical came equipped with a flip book of answers to any number of questions, and a comfy chair.  Fast forward a year or so of 20-30 hr weeks( remember college student with lazy tendencies) and amid the jokers with air horns in the phone or blatant threats of violence the job started to lose its shine.  Did you know different states have different laws as to how many times you say NO before i am legally obligated to let you go? ( or at least way back then they did) Then there are the people who just set the phone down or hand it to their kid i personally loved this i got paid either way. Then we started selling warranties to products from a popular catalog that lets you own everyday walmart quality items for only twelve monthly payments. Warranties to products that people didn’t even own anymore.  I had to have the lowest sale rate EVER  at times i was actively discouraging people from  making the deal.  ” after the initial three mo. The rate JUMPS to 23.9%”  aka don’t do this!  I was horrible at my job, and yet still it ate at me to the point going into work  made me physically ill. I have had other jobs along the way  with bad hours , worse pay, jobs with sexist bosses and harassing coworkers still none got to me to the level ” phone sales” did.  Everyone should have one truly loathsome job by which to measure all others, and if you ever get a sales call ( if they still exist) talk dirty to them  it was always the talk of the sales floor.