No matter your age you have certain decades that mark/scar/impact you for the rest of your life. For me those were the 80’s and 90’s i don’t feel like i am stuck in those decades i have moved on long ago. Recently however i discovered a music app that lets you listen to basically anything you want for free. I started a custom play list and found i am not as far removed from that side ponytail wearing chick as one might have hoped.
And if one were to be completely honest i still like the docs and own ( just one) plaid flannel shirt i might occasionally wear tied around my waist. I did not realise how bad it was untill my hubby pointed out my work expectations were based on no longer relevant sitcoms.. And asked for a percentage of how often i look around and find my self baffled by the lack of acid wash and leg warmers. Pinned me down for a number 49.4 while not shocked by the passage of time i do sometimes yearn for the simpler times of getting my bangs high enough and having the peace sign earrings that matched my day glow bangles. Much the same as the older generations might wish to slip into some bell bottoms. This is all probably a symptom of my avoidance tendencies im sure a doctor would say, but the last doctor i trusted was doogie howser so we will never know…
My new job what can i say it sucks, but at the end of the day it pays the bills. When headed out to my work place i pictured the in 90’s sitcom version of work where the women become bosom buddies and we meet for girls night once a month you know high school 4.0 Unfortunatly that is not the case not only is there no potluck Thursdays, there is a generational gap that makes more than the most basic communication difficult. It is a small group of people and over half seem to be roughly twelve( when did i get so old anyone under thirty looks like a child to me?) Rejoining the workforce was a nerve-racking experience whenever the exhaustion lifted enough for me to be aware of my surroundings my general anxiety showed. When i get nervous or angry i compensate by being unnecessarily wordy. This in itself is a bit strange but not overly problematic most times ….. The following is a partial list of words that threw my coworkers for a loop.
- Contractual obligation
- glad hand
There are more i just can’t remember, leaving me feeling even more anxious than before. I guess i will just wander past all ” picachu yolo creeper # fur reals ” of course then i wont know what the hell im talking about but maybe the children would…
Husband: where is that pen i gave you the other morning?
Me: i gave it back ( total lie i don’t even remember the pen)
Husband: you did not
Me: what color was it?
Husband: why can that possibly matter!?
Me: might help me remember…..
Around here a pen is a hot commodity, i am quite certain we have quite a few but can never find any. I can not count the times i have sent notes to school written in marker , papers requiring parents signature .. crayon. This pen in question was green by the way i never did find it, probably hanging out some where under the couch perhaps with my daughters other flip flop and the mates to approximately fifty pair of socks. I am a big fan of asking more of my tools. After all how else would i know you can pay your bills in dry erase marker?
Thats right the case of liar liar pants on fire. I think of myself as a basically good ( ish) person with a tendency towards honesty but because i don’t want to make waves or hurt feelings or sometimes just out of laziness i lie. When the grocery store clerk asks how you’re doing nine out of ten times they don’t care, and you lie ” just fine” ( internally you are depressed or hot stressed or hungry)the question its self in this case i consider a type of lie. People lie with out even trying to … ” i understand” they say when you know they can’t possibly. How does this shirt/pants/ hair cut look? Great! Because to say otherwise would be hurtful . Lie lie lie. Hear a bad joke or story? The laugh is a lie. Are these lies inherently bad when told from a good place? Is the truth always the best awnser, can you look at the hardware store guy and say well honestly im tired and i don’t really want your help please just let me be i have had enough of people. And when the people you work with ask why so cranky can you instead of saying my blood sugar must be off say instead i feel the reason we are working on saturday is because you spend too much time flirting and not enough working and it makes me angry. If im being honest i come off bitchy, does that mean that were i being true to my self i would have to acknowledge that i am actually a bitch. Honestly im not sure….
Cupcakes are not structurally designed for a twelve-hour work day… So tired, so sore. But tomorrow is a new day perhaps i will get used to it. Hats off to you working people, i have gotten too soft. I think its easy as a stay at home mom to lose touch with the realities of the working stiff. Not to belittle the stay at home mom, i room momed , i volunteered, we did activities , picnics, plus home and yard care ect. Mom or dad is a tough job no doubt. It’s not all coco and kisses sometimes its stomach flu and a vomit waterfall coming down the wood stairs. But working away from home is a different type of experience. So bear with me as i catch my stride, the posts may be whiny or short but then I’ll be back on track and they will be rude funny or bitchy. Stay tuned.
So turns out i am ever so slightly employable, and monday i start my new job. I am grateful that i am getting the chance, however its been a long time since i have worked outside of my home and i am anxious. I dealt with some of this anxiety in the age-old fashion of shopping, three shirts some socks, perfume, and a new pair of shoes later i felt better for all of an hour, so fleeting (but not this kind that would be worse)
Perhaps a look back at some old work memories will help. My hand writing is even worse than my spelling ability, yet people still ask me to make signs. When i was working in a hobby store in the mall i needed to write a sign to let people know to ask for help with the display case. Knowing how bad my hand writing is i worked to fancify it up… A few hours later a guy walks up to the register and asks for the jerk behind the counter. Im sorry what! Yeah i need help, it said ask for the jerk behind counter.
When i was working in a grocery store i was told to “get a sign on that display!” By now i knew my sign making ability was crap, but one does what ones told. I rocked that sign for All laundry detergent, untill a friend pulled me aside and says ” why did you just tag that display with a sign that says ASS” hmmm perhaps i did curve the ll’s a bit much.
I have many other skills thank you very much just because i cant make signs shouldnt mean anything….. Except my new job is making signs. I will keep you posted.
WARNING this is a shark week type post
Ok I have this bad habit of thinking im more right about things then other people ( I know shocking right!) Untill I was in my thirties I believed p.m.s. was bull made up ( I apologize now so very sorry)by the same type of women that say things like ” I can’t change a tire!” And ” that’s a mans job.” ( by the way around here we have things that are my mans job, dead animals, June bugs, and the table saw but that is not because im a woman it’s because dead things make me sad, June bugs are creepy and NO ONE who knows me would trust my clutzy ass with a table saw. ) but i digress p.m.s. Now it is much debated around here whither or not I have always had this I say it didn’t start effecting me untill after the birth of our oldest daughter, my husband says I have always had it. This week of not caring about dog hair dust bunnies rolling like tumble weeds across the floor, of not noticing the tooth paste splattered mirror. I don’t feel depressed so much as generally apathetic and really truly tri-polar watching from the outside all ( this chick is two pounds of crazy in a one and a half pound bag!) Then one day I wake up and its like coming out of a fog , what the hell happened here! This place is a disaster , when was the last time we dusted the top of the door frames! When! How can we live like this like animals with the cups in the cupboard all hoggolie poggolie handles facing different directions! Then for the rest of the time im ” normalish” somewhere in-between. Not sure why I decided this would be a post anyone want to read , maybe its a sign I shouldn’t start writing till the coffee kicks in. Or maybe its just a nod of encouragement to any of you who need to hear .. Your not crazy ( or at least you’re not alone in your crazy.)
It has been a wet year here in Kansas, we seem to go through phases of drought some years and floods other times. I have much respect for the farmers i see battling the elements to put food on our tables. Although hereditarily i should have a green thumb i kill all plants left in my care. Perhaps if i lived in a world where my family only got to eat what i could grow i would be a better at gardening ( or we would starve to death hard to say really). Right now in our neck of the woods the thing being battled whole heartedly is mosquitos. Blood sucking asshats every last ( female) one of them. The weather has been actually pretty nice this year temperature wise, unfortunately we have spent it prisoners of the plague of vampireitic beats. They will swarm you to the point of when we leave the door we do it like we are swat teaming a house . Go! Go! Go! Don’t stop, straight to the car! When i say please run this out to the trash can i literally mean run. Only with a liberal dose of deet spray can you spend time outside, and not the family friendly 7% deet i learned that the hard way. Sitting on our ” screened” in porch ( it has a doggy door that is 3×3 foot so a lot sneaks on thru that opening) i was wearing family friendly bug spray and was smacking those little devils left and right. I guess the frustration got to me, when my hubby came out and saw a little pile of maimed mosquito carcases on a paper on the patio table he said “well that’s just messed up”. To which i responded ” i know right sooo many Mosquitos, those are a warning to the others” turns out we had a different idea of what was indeed messed up.
Happy forth everyone! Just a quick note to say thanks. The nonsense you read here and elsewhere
The rights we so often take for granted they were purchased with a very steep price.
So enjoy your holiday but take the time to say thanks to solders past and present ( and their families) .
Truly THANK YOU!
P.s. While shooting off fireworks be safe 🙂
Growing up i very clearly remember adults saying ” you should never discuss religion or politics with friends.” Now as a grown up i have something to say about that, i think amongst TRUE friends you could have a thought-provoking debate about anything and still remain friends as long as you are not one of those always right stubborn types ( i totally am one of those types however so be warned). That being said i never realised how very eclectic a group of people i have gathered on my Facebook, oh my god its like a three-ring circus. I feel the need to say please don’t stand so close those views might be contagious. I understand that people’s views differ from mine, but i find it so tiresome to be buried under a constant barrage of extremist propaganda. Click here, like this , forward, email, go to this page express your self by doing what your told! And if you don’t the devil wins, the children suffer, and people will smoke pot while all babies will be killed in womb by gun-toting people who hate and or love same-sex marriage and carry a fire arm in a store! I can ignore, delete, and even sometimes understand where people are coming from. But it seems social media reads like a spam folder any more, i will keep looking however because sometimes i get to see a sweet photo of a loved one, or get to walk down memory lane when i see friends from a time gone by post about their actual lives. It leads me to wanting to rewrite that oh popular saying.
Please feel free to say it before reading any thing i write as well.