Please don’t notice me

imageI once was a bit socially awkward, what i wouldn’t do for that problem now. Growing up i had friends and acquaintances, since then i have moved 4 times, had different jobs, had children, and then became a stay at home mom. I will be forever grateful that i was able to stay at home with my children, however i feel my natural shyness coupled with my children being my sole companions for the better part of the day has left me just this side of mr. Monk. Now that my children are older it’s about time for me to climb out of my hobbity hermit hole and meet people and do things. I’m rusty, im rusty at making eye contact and chit chatting. I find my self self-consciously awkward, not even selling it to the level that might be considered aloof.  Quite frankly i freeze, my mind doesn’t go blank( lord i wish it would) my mind races unfairly putting words and judgement in the thoughts and faces of people i have run into. So if you were to run into me at the grocery store i might just say hi, the randomly say something like” i don’t normally buy frozen pizza”  because in my head you were thinking ” frozen pizza what a bad mom, plus at her weight really!” Now i know what you were probably thinking was ” hi”  such is the way my mind works. So forgive me please for being awkward, and since im sure im not alone lets all embrace our awkward. I’m working on it picking up my tablet to pen this message Awkwards  unite! 

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One thought on “Please don’t notice me

  1. Like many “awkward” people, it sounds like you don’t do well with small talk. You’re more about being honest. Sure, honesty can be inappropriate at times, like, when you’re just supposed to smile and nod and say, “Hi! How are you?” and move along. But, if more people were more honest, I believe some of our awkwardness would dissipate (because we wouldn’t have to fake being fake) and, in fact, we’d probably be ahead of the game. But what do I know? Maybe I’m just out here making excuses for my own anxiety.

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